i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
