I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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