and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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