so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
