We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
