so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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