You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
