He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
