9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
