Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
