I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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