He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
