if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
