You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
