I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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