Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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