everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
