i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
