i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
