hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
