our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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