Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
