All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
