Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Holy shit dude........stairs
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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