im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
