Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
