I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
