I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
