thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
