the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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