Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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