repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
