bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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