I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
