I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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