My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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