Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
