The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
