True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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