Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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