u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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