That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
