I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
