Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This house was built for laser tag.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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