so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
