I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
