The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
