WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
