Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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