I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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