Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
