I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
