Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
